Secondary infertility due to recurrent miscarriage, moved onto DE IVF, eggs donated by a younger friend. Fresh cycle was a negative, our FET worked. Newly pregnant with twins, but pretty scared!
I find it hard to remember the sad, bleak days of continual loss… it is almost impossible to believe that the time from November 2004 (first miscarriage) to November 2006 (decided to try donor eggs and my friend offered hers…) was only two years, it felt like eons.
These babies are so beautiful… if I could go back to 2004 and have that first miscarriage not happen… and a totally different life unfold… I wouldn’t choose it.
I hope everyone seeking their child through a donor, finds the happiness we have.
For anyone wondering how it would feel to have their children via DE.
Today our beautiful DE babies are 6 months old and they are just perfect.
Someone wrote something like the soul of your baby is yours however it came to you… and I really do feel blessed that we have THESE babies, and no hankering over the ones I miscarried. I think often of the donor as she is my friend (what a friend, eh?) but not in the sense that I feel these babies aren’t mine. I don’t really look for anything in their genetics that reminds me of her, if anything, I see my older DS in them (and a little bit of her gorgeous DS and DD)
We had their naming ceremony last weekend, it was very special. All our family and friends know of the babies origin and the celebrant mentioned it in her words. Hobbesy sang for us and it was very beautiful and moving. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room!
I Hope You Dance
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep the hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love never leaves you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear
those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
but they’re worth taking
Loving might be a mistake
but it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
And give the heavens above
more than just a passing glance
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I couldn’t resist posting a picture on 31st July, which was transfer day in our FET cycle last year…
and amongst the nice comments, was a request for some news on how we’re managing with a 5 year old and twins.
There is so much I could say.. why haven’t I blogged? Admittedly time is short, but I’ve been somehow reluctant to say too much because the last year has seen such a lot of sadness and loss amongst the blogs I read, I just felt GUILTY.
But here I am, I am so lucky… and I don’t want to just vanish in to the ether.
So how have things been? The babies were born at the start of the school Easter holidays and Mr DG had 2 weeks paternity leave, a week of short days and then a week’s annual leave. My sister also came to visit for a few days. So it was 4-5 weeks I spent mostly indoors, concentrating on breastfeeding. I won’t say it was entirely smooth, both babies were quite small and sleepy and a bit yellow, and were slow to learn how to latch on.
To.ren, who fed within a few minutes of birth, generally found it easier than Mai.read, who was a full pound larger but was born while I was using gas and air … she did latch on for a bit but we were soon on oour way to the postnatal ward, and after she’d slept for the best part of a day, she pretty much forgot what to do.
Anyway, with the help of my midwives, and some feeding expressed milk by syringe, we survived the early days and they rapidly shot up the charts – moving from 2nd centile at birth to 20th at 12 weeks (M) and 0.2nd to 20th (T)
Ok, more later!
PS Calliope, i’m SO happy for you!
Leave me comments, people, and I’ll be sure to visit you back and get in touch.
I always seem to think of good blog entries when I am not near the PC… and then when I’m on the PC I sort of surf lazily in between ordering groceries etc.
So I figured I may as well just do a little update, no great shakes.
It’s the school holidays so I have little DG home with me. It’s not easy as he is very NOISY and the babies couldn’t nap in peace. Today so far has been a bit more sedate and a friend should be here soon with her 5 year old DD. It won’t be quuet, but it will be fun. Both babies slept well last night and are having a good nap now. Mind you, little DG and I are both in our pyjamas still.
I can’t believe 7 weeks have gone by already. It’s gone in a flash, and I have enjoyed every fleeting minute. It makes it much easier to manage endless feeding … knowing that these are days I will think back on with a sort of wistfulness later. I think this time round I had a better understanding of what early breastfeeding is like, so I haven’t been worried or stressed. They’ve been growing really well, putting on at least half a pound a week, once we got past the first fortnight.
I’m just planning a naming ceremony. We can weave in some thanks for Hobbesy’s kind donation, she and her DH will be “non”godparents and she will sing (she is a professional singer)
I will try to update more often. I have been reading DE blogs and commenting when I can. I wish with all my heart that everyone can find peace and happiness.
A year ago the fresh DEIVF had just ended in a BFN and I was persuading the clinic to do an immediate FET, which went ahead in the end in July…
Yup, it’s my birthday today. And I remember where I was last year, as my birthday was when Hobbesy and I stopped taking our BCP, at the start of the fresh IVF cycle. That didn’t work, of course, but we had lots of frozen embryos and after one cancelled FET as my lining wasn’t thin, we went ahead in July 07… two blasts grown and put back. Those embryos are now two beautiful babies.
So no wonder this has been a fantastic birthday. Admittedly I was awake from 4-6am with two grumbling little individuals, and they have both been in a feeding frenzy all day. But after lunch out with Mr DG (the babies slept angelically for that, happily) we went to pick up little DG from school and show off Mair.ead and Tor.en. The playground has sometimes been a hard place for me, scene of many successful pregnancies and arrival of babies while I have been clutching to myself my latest miscarriage… today it was quite joyful to show off our gorgeous pair.
Hobbesy also sent me an Amazon voucher, but it was hardly necessary!
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