I’m so, so, sorry

•January 3, 2009 • 2 Comments

For my blogfriend  http://www.themaybebaby.com/

I just found out that her twins were born, far too soon, and died in early December.

Life is so unfair. How can something like that happen to someone who has been through so much already?

Lovely poem

•October 9, 2008 • 8 Comments

There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken,

A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.

There is a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy

And a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space too vast for words

Through which we pass with each loss,

Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart

As we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable

And whole.

by Rashani

I hope you dance…

•October 5, 2008 • 13 Comments


For anyone wondering how it would feel to have their children via DE.

Today our beautiful DE babies are 6 months old and they are just perfect.

Someone wrote something like the soul of your baby is yours however it came to you… and I really do feel blessed that we have THESE babies, and no hankering over the ones I miscarried. I think often of the donor as she is my friend (what a friend, eh?) but not in the sense that I feel these babies aren’t mine. I don’t really look for anything in their genetics that reminds me of her, if anything, I see my older DS in them (and a little bit of her gorgeous DS and DD)

We had their naming ceremony last weekend, it was very special. All our family and friends know of the babies origin and the celebrant mentioned it in her words. Hobbesy sang for us and it was very beautiful and moving. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room!

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep the hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love never leaves you empty handed

I hope you still feel small 
when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens

Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear
those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances
but they’re worth taking

Loving might be a mistake
but it’s worth making

Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider

And give the heavens above
more than just a passing glance
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance


I hope you dance… I hope you dance…

I wish everyone could find such happiness.

I’m still here, really!

•August 2, 2008 • 8 Comments

I couldn’t resist posting  a picture on 31st July, which was transfer day in our FET cycle last year…

and amongst the nice comments, was a request for some news on how we’re managing with a 5 year old and twins.

There is so much I could say.. why haven’t I blogged? Admittedly time is short, but I’ve been somehow reluctant to say too much because  the last year has seen such a lot of sadness and loss amongst the blogs I read, I just felt GUILTY.

But here I am, I am so lucky… and I don’t want to just vanish in to the ether.

So how have things been? The babies were born at the start of the school Easter  holidays and Mr DG had 2 weeks paternity leave, a week of short days and then a week’s annual leave. My sister also came to visit for a few days. So it was 4-5 weeks I spent mostly indoors, concentrating on breastfeeding. I won’t say it was entirely smooth, both babies were quite small and sleepy and a bit yellow, and were slow to learn how to latch on.

To.ren, who fed within a few minutes of birth, generally found it easier than Mai.read, who was a full pound larger but was born while I was using gas and air … she did latch on for a bit but we were soon on oour way to the postnatal ward, and after she’d slept for the best part of a day, she pretty much forgot what to do.

Anyway, with the help of my midwives, and some feeding expressed milk by syringe, we survived the early days and they rapidly shot up the charts – moving from 2nd centile at birth to 20th at 12 weeks (M) and 0.2nd  to 20th (T)

Ok, more later!


PS Calliope, i’m SO happy for you!

Leave me comments, people, and I’ll be sure to visit you back and get in touch.


•July 31, 2008 • 10 Comments

Happy happy happy

•May 28, 2008 • 5 Comments

I always seem to think of good blog entries when I am not near the PC… and then when I’m on the PC I sort of surf lazily in between ordering groceries etc.

So I figured I may as well just do a little update, no great shakes.

It’s the school holidays so I have little DG home with me. It’s not easy as he is very NOISY and the babies couldn’t nap in peace. Today so far has been a bit more sedate and a friend should be here soon with her 5 year old DD. It won’t be quuet, but it will be fun. Both babies slept well last night and are having a good nap now. Mind you, little DG and I are both in our pyjamas still.

I can’t believe 7 weeks have gone by already. It’s gone in a flash, and I have enjoyed every fleeting minute. It makes it much easier to manage endless feeding … knowing that these are days I will think back on with a sort of wistfulness later. I think this time round I had a better understanding of what early breastfeeding is like, so I haven’t been worried or stressed. They’ve been growing really well, putting on at least half a pound a week, once we got past the first fortnight.

I’m just planning a naming ceremony. We can weave in some thanks for Hobbesy’s kind donation, she and her DH will be “non”godparents and she will sing (she is a professional singer)

I will try to update more often. I have been reading DE blogs and commenting when I can. I wish with all my heart that everyone can find peace and happiness.

A year ago the fresh DEIVF had just ended in a BFN and I was persuading the clinic to do an immediate FET, which went ahead in the end in July…

For Sarah and her angel on their edd

•May 22, 2008 • 2 Comments

And for Karen and Selina.

I’m so sorry.