The thing I’ve learned

I’ve quoted this before, I know

I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don’t see it.
I fall in.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it’s still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It’s a habit.
I get out quicker this time.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don’t fall in.

I walk down a different street.

I took a long time to realise that the hole wasn’t going to go away. I was just going to keep on struggling in and out of it. Eventually, I realised that after so many miscarriages, the odds were so stacked against me, there was just no point continuing. Even then,  I carried on. Eventually, I came to a stop. The things I’d thought were so important before weren’t the things that were calling to me then. I had never considered ART even, let alone donor eggs. Suddenly, out of all my confusion and sadness, there was a way forward.

I know it’s too early to say that it’s worked … goodness knows I’m aware that two lines on a stick doesn’t equal a baby. But it’s been so good just to try something different, just to walk down a different street. And a much less lonely one.

Advertisements

~ by drownedgirl on August 15, 2007.

5 Responses to “The thing I’ve learned”

  1. i know and often read this poem. thank you for posting it. we also felt this route was the different street and one we can move forward on instead of standing in the same place.

  2. Hey hun!, I keep walking down that street too – but with me there are no other streets, there are roadworks so maybe eventually we will get to walk another street!! Hope you are well xxx

  3. I followed a link from Stirrup Queens and just wanted to wish you congratulations!!

  4. Welcome to a new street.

  5. You’re right, Michelle. I’m lucky I found a way round it. When it’s your age that’s the problem, it’s a miracle to find an opt-out. Cheating, pretty much.

    When you just don’t know what’s causing multiple losses and you’re NOT old, and you try everything on offer, and it doesn’t work… well, it’s just awful. I am hoping suddenly there will be a new A-Z issued which has the way out for you, sweetheart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: