Love thy donor

A hello from a new DE blogger, Melody, who is planning to have eggs donated by her partner, prompted me to post a comment on her site, which actually encapsulates some thoughts that have been flitting round inside my head the last few days.

Hobbesy laughed she felt like a bit like a bloke having “knocked me up” and I was pondering how she might actually be feeling, now it’s not just cells in a dish she has given, but a baby that’s growing.

From my point of view, it feels like such an incrediby precious cargo, even more so than when I was pregnant with little DG, and not just because of the travails along the way.

How lovely, to have the chance, as Melody does, of eggs from the person you love. Though I must say, now pregnant with Hobbesy’s eggs, I’m sure I’m just the tiniest bit in love with HER. Not just because it was such an incredible gift, but because the process of egg donation makes you really ponder and value the attributes of the donor, or at least, it has for me.

Although of course there are bits of yourself you hope still stay in the mix (what is nature and what is nurture, after all?) you become quite fond of aspects of the donor you hope will get passed on. Generosity of spirit, for sure… but in my case, being a little bit taller, being able to sing… and I can picture her two lovely children, along with my own, and imagine a new child, a mixture of them all. It’s weird, and wonderful.

And I’d bloody well better get good blood results from the hospital today. Aaargh! This is my nineth pregnancy I’ve turfed up in haematology for support with my clotting problems. The consultant must have me as one of his longest running attempts at number 2. Let’s hope the embryo is doing its stuff, at least, and Mr Optimistic can do his bit.

PS: Interesting post here about blinkered views about donated gametes. Rachel at Henry Street has a post about openness.

On another topic, Max’s Mommy just came through a scare.


~ by drownedgirl on August 14, 2007.

6 Responses to “Love thy donor”

  1. Ooh you big softy. I couldn’t be happier now that there really is a little baby growing, it was the goal that got me through those poorly days after all. I’m sure you’re going to find lots of my annoying traits over the years lol, and I apologise in advance if the baby turns out to have ugly toes!

  2. No baby of ours will have ugly toes! There will be a queue of people to kiss them, I’m sure!

  3. First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out to me through Lost & Found. I am always interested to see how my situation could turn out. I am so very sorry for your 7 losses. You are a much stronger woman than I. I have only gone through 2 losses and yet I feel broken.

    I really don’t know much about egg donation but I really like this post. It must make you really think about the person who was willing to share a piece of themselves. It is such a magical thing, for lack of a better word.

    I sure hope you get those bloodwork results and update us as soon as possible!

  4. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It seems like there’s some added pressure in a known donor egg situation not to let down the donor. Or maybe this is how straight women always feel?– trusted with a partner’s precious gamete and responsible if the pregnancy fails? In our repeated attempts/failures, I’ve beat myself up one side and down the other for letting mySELF down, and I’ve always felt responsible for the ache in our wallets, but now that we’re going to be using Vanessa’s eggs, I’m feeling panicked about protecting her from a new kind of loss– as though she hasn’t fully experienced the disappointments of infertility before.

  5. That’s interesting, Melody. I must admit, I found seeing Hobbesy go through stims, EC and OHSS was pretty awful. I do hope she doesn’t get to live vicariously through a loss, I really do.

    I think in one sense, two women sharing eggs is a closer bond than carrying an embryo fathered by a male partner, in the sense that women obsess together over the numbers, the details etc. I have yet to come across a male partner with the same interest in the intricacies, and I know for sure Mr DG never grasped little DG was on the way until he literally landed on the bed in between my knees, really!

    I hope you and Vanessa can weather the storms together. Two women on hormones 🙂

  6. I love this post as well. I love and admire my sister so much. We have many similarities but there are qualities she has that I don’t that I absolutely adore and I would be so honored and lucky if my child turns out anything like her. Thanks for sharing.. 🙂

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