Update and I’m not an ogre really

Trip to the clinic was OK. My lining is only 6.3mm though and so I have to go back Monday when hopefully it will have thickened up enough for our embryos to be thawed.

I had a long chat with the embryologist which was very positive. We have 22 fertilised eggs frozen on day 0ne at 2-pn stage. We also have five frozen on day 3, three of which were at 6 cell and looking pretty good.

I said we’d like to try to get two blasts to transfer. Having had so many early losses, I grasp as much as anyone that many early embryos aren’t chromosomally sound, even from a young’un like Hobbesy. I’d rather the bad ones stopped growing in the dish, rather than inside me.  What looks good at day 3 may well not be the best embryo at day 4 or day 5. I think the embryologist sees it like that too, but as the clinic deals mostly with older women, they don’t often have enough eggs to do a blast transfer. She said she was confident about being able to grow them, though, if they can be grown!

We then talked about how many to move from where they’re stored. At first she suggested nine, with a pretty good chance of at least one good blast. But after some discussion, and me saying I’d rather have a good shot at getting two blasts and I haven’t the stamina for endless Fets, she suggested shipping thirteen of the 2-pn from storage. I’m very much a numbers person and I’d like to start off with the odds good that we’ll end up with two good blasts.

We’ll have enough for another shot at it, if this doesn’t work.

Now all I have to do is thicken my lining!

On a slightly different note, I realise I come across as a bit of a zealot on the “honesty is the best policy” line with regards to telling a DE-child about their origins. I hope I don’t hurt anybody’s feelings. I’d never dream of attacking another woman for her plans, of course I wouldn’t. But here on my own blog I think I can say what I think, hopefully without fear of offence.

I know many women from the UK in particular, have had little choice but to go abroad, where donation is anonymous, and aren’t as lucky as I am, with a known donor offering help. But I think even where the donor can’t be known to the child, it’s best for them to be aware of their origin.

Studies show, I think, that many couples who don’t intend to tell the child, do in the end reveal the truth. But I do feel really strongly, that you shouldn’t deceive your child over something so fundamental.  One of the things said by Dan Savage in The Kid struck me, when he said that maybe they found it easier as a gay couple to accept Melissa’s continuing role in their son’s life, because she would always be his only mother.  Is there a fear that telling a child they were conceived via egg donation will make the mother any less the mother?  If so, and as an existing mother, I feel the fear is so groundless.

I’m sure a donor conceived child will throw the fact back at some point in turbulent teenage years. But will they see the donor as their “real mother?” Of course not. But also, as an existing mother, I can’t imagine how I could lie consistently to my child about something so vital as donor conception. And how can a family expect to keep the donor element secret when others in the family know about it? The child WILL discover the fact, and not in the best way. 

I think it’s especially naive to think the child won’t twig, if the mother is in her mid forties, and has twins, for example.  Anyway. Off my soapbox. I hope you’ll forgive me. I’m not an ogre, really.  Or not a green one with triplets, anyway!

Edited to add: Daisy is having problems with her DE cycle before its even started and so is The Maybe Baby

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~ by drownedgirl on July 18, 2007.

4 Responses to “Update and I’m not an ogre really”

  1. hi DG

    thanks for checking in — i’ve just put up a post about disclosure or not….i too believe in telling the child…and i also realize it’s a very personal decision.

    on another note…i hear you when you say you want to do a blast transfer. the odds are much better (im a numbers girl too). how great that there are so many to begin.

    i will keep checking in with you and your lining! ha, never said that before.

  2. Thanks for all the update on other DE cycles. That’s great you have so many frozen embies to work with. HOpe that lining thickens and please keep us posted. Good luck!!

  3. Blog about discloure: http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2007/07/this-morning-pa.html

    and another here: http://whynotmexyz.blogspot.com/2007/07/she-looks-just-like-you.html

  4. Totally agree with you, the truth about Egg donation should not be hidden from a child really, I couldn’t imagine keeping something like that hidden it would tear me apart inside. Our little one will have a box full of photo’s of our trip to spain, cheesy photo of us champagne in hand, and all the clinic details etc etc, they will have spanish lessons and so will I, be exposed to the Spanish culture, to give them every opportunity to search their genetic roots in years to come, I think it is something to be clebrated,yes it is hard sometimes the whole thought of the genetic roots, but I certainly wouldn’t of done it any other way, anonymity for us was definately the right decision, although I was tempted to wrap my email address in the present that I gave the donor but I think it was the right decision not to. I also personally think it should be an option in the UK, I guess everyone has their idea of how they want it to be and that is right for them, I am even getting some Spanish childrens songs on CD to hopefully play in the womb, to start off with. Having said that I guess every mother knows what is best for their child and I wouldn’t want to question that. Biggest luck in the world with your lining I shall be egging it on from the wings! XXX

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