Stream of consciousness

I haven’t really had the chance to post, work has been so busy I have just been collapsing into bed when I get home, and no chance to surf from my desk!

I was so desperate for an hour or two myself, I’ve skipped acupuncture this morning (the day I don’t work) so I can chill out a bit before picking up DS from nursery late morning.  It’s nicely sunny outside at the moment, and I hope the forecast rain stays away long enough for us to get out to the One o’clock club this afternoon.

Things are looking up generally. I got up at 6.30am and drove down to Kind Friend early on Tuesday, we dropped her DS at his nursery and drove over to the clinic. It’s 50 miles from me to her, and 50 miles from her to the clinic. Arrived bang on time and took it in  turns to soothe her DD in the waiting room while the other saw the counsellor. That seemed to go fine, and she told both of us at the end that she’d be recommending us as suitable.

There was one thing that we’d chatted about in the car on way down, that came up in both our appointments that I hadn’t realised before, and though I’m sure it won’t affect us, it gave me pause for thought. In the UK, an egg or sperm donor can withdraw the use of their eggs or sperm at any time, before they’re used (fine) but this also extends to embryos. Now, I did know this, as there was  a high profile case in the European Court, where a woman was refused access to embryos created with an ex-partner. I’ve also seen a woman on a forum I frequent, worrying about the deteriorating relationship with her sister-in-law, I think it was, as they had embryos on her ice, her SIL was the donor. Now I can see that where there is a known donor, and embryos are frozen, then the donor has a continuing link to the embryos, though it seems odd to me that this is the case for a frozen embryo, but once they are implanted, the legal rights end.

But one thing mentioned to me by the counsellor really shocked me. She said that where women egg share, but don’t get pregnant, sometimes they then demand that any embryos frozen for the recipient, not be used. That seems so heartbreaking all round. I feel for the women who maybe felt obliged to egg share, as they couldn’t afford IVF otherwise. But the poor recipient! To have got as far as a frozen embryo, but to feel the possibility hanging over you, that consent for its use might be withdrawn. Awful. I’m so glad I have an “altruistic” donor.

Donor’s altruism was particularly tested when they took her blood for karyotyping and cystic fibrosis tests. She doesn’t like needles, and the IVF nurse wasn’t really an expert phlebotomist. But she survived, we had lunch, and arrived back in time to collect her DS from nursery. While I waited in the car, I phoned my GP, and spoke to the angel receptionist who has been chasing DP’s hep C result. And it was back, confirmed clear! We were expecting it to be OK, but still. I was so happy!

We’re still waiting on written results for the clinic, but I’m hoping we can arrange KF’s scan for the Easter holidays, early April, with a view to starting IVF in May. Hurray!

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~ by drownedgirl on March 9, 2007.

One Response to “Stream of consciousness”

  1. Very interesting. In my situation the sperm donor can withdraw consent up until an embryo is formed, then it’s “tough luck” for him. I believe egg donation is the same.

    Egg share is not done here, it’s a bit of a tricky subject I think, for the reasons you’ve stated – women who wouldn’t otherwise donate do so that they can afford IVF, then if it doesn’t work for them, but their eggs work for someone else, well that’s just shitty for all involved. Another prob with it is say you get 12 eggs, give away 6. Only 4 fertilise. Transfer 1 and it doesn’t take, you then lose some in the thaw etc etc.

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