La lutta continua

The significant news for us is – no news. Still waiting for Mr dg’s Hepatitis RNA test result.

There’s sad news for two women on another forum I post on, including my “miscarriage buddy” who had losses with me in September and November last year. She has one child, now six, and ten miscarriages. My heart breaks for her. This time round she was on steroids for natural killer cells, after being tested by Siobhan Quenby at Liverpool Womens Hospital. But she has still lost her babies, it was twins this time.

Having some new treatment to try, some new strategy, is what keeps us going, I think. If you have recurrent miscarriages and no cause is found, it’s so pointless just keep trying in the hope it will turn out different. For women with 2 or 3, even 4, losses, it can just be (very) “bad luck” but past that number, you just know there must be something going on. It’s so frustrating if science can’t offer any diagnosis or way forward.

Is it wrong to keep struggling on, to refuse to give up? I read a blog somewhere, about infertility, that said it takes more strength to give up than to keep trying. I think that’s very true. I wish others would understand. My dp accused me of being obsessed, not long ago, and I know women at work wonder why I don’t just call it quits. My response, is that the pain we have had so far, will be in vain if we don’t get there in the end. Yeah, I’m a stubborn Taurus.

I see a therapist at the hospital. She mostly deals with women who have had stillbirth or been diagnosed with a problem in late pregnancy. I can see that a lot of what she does for people, is to help them accept and endure. I wish I didn’t get the  feeling that she thinks I am wrong to keep trying.  Who has the right to imply that? I read something somewhere else, about how when it’s time to stop, you just know.

I’m presuming that eventually, if it’s time to stop, I’ll know.

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~ by drownedgirl on February 20, 2007.

3 Responses to “La lutta continua”

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s loss. May she find peace with it, and with whatever she decides to do next.

  2. It is indeed, very difficult to decide to give up. Or to continue on for that matter. Both are equally brave decisions in my book.

    J

  3. I am moving on to DE and I keep going between REALLY letting go of having a biological child and entertaining the idea of trying just one more time. It is a hard thing to give up. I couldn’t agree with you more.

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